On ambivalence

I have moments when I think giving up work and moving from our lovely home in East Dulwich is a lunatic idea.  Usually these come when I am strolling down Lordship Lane or Northcross Road, popping into the fishmonger, running into friends on the corner, or just wandering across Peckham Rye Park to visit my favourite local cafe.  I really, really love living here.

Then I remind myself that, if we stay, I will not be on maternity leave and it will really not be the same.

I also get nervous about not being an alpha-mummy (taken from the Times blog I used to read before the paywall went up) any more, balancing high-powered career with beautiful, well-behaved children.  My last couple of conversations with work have been pretty positive, and it's hard to walk away from something that I know that I can do well when my managers are telling me that they would really like me to come back.

My latest moment of clarity came two days ago, though, when the estate agent called to say that our buyers want one more look at the house before we exchange contracts.  For my American family and friends, I will explain that English property buying is not like back home.  From them moment you agree a price with your buyer, the process normally takes around three months until you move.  The scary part is that no one is legally committed to the transaction until the last two weeks of this time, when both parties have exchanged contracts.  For the first 2 1/2 months, anyone can walk away or demand a different price without losing anything more than their survey and lawyers fees.

The sheer panic I felt when I heard that there was still a possibility that our buyers would pull out helped me realise that the move is definitely what I want.  They are coming to have a look today and we are frantically attempting to get the house (which has been partly destroyed as we get ready for the move - in theory this is our 2nd last weekend here before moving day) into a state that won't terrify our buyers.

So I ask you all to wish us luck - I'm sure it's just a formality, but I don't think my blood pressure will be back to normal until we hear that they've signed their contract!